I really was forced. see? FORCED. Piper, you're next. DO IT.

WERE YOU NAMED FOR ANYONE?

Mah daddie. Yes. Him. I'm a Jr. Therefore I have the same name as pop. I liked the book Hop on Pop.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

I couldn't tell you. It's been a couple weeks at least. I'm at the point where I wouldn't be able to tell you when or why, honestly. So that's nice.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

People don't tend to believe it's mine. When I intend to write neatly, it's fuckin' fantastic. Usually it degenerates into chicken scratch, though. Oh well. I never looked at the notes I took in school anyway, so I was really just wasting ink.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

                Kinda. Not biologically. That's what I'll go with.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF LUNCHMEAT?

Roast beef, motherfucker. And salami also rules. In fact, it rocks the fat ass.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Depends on what kind of person I was if I was another person. Would I be the kind of person I am? Would I be meek? What race? Gender? Transgendered? Would I be a big fan of steaks and other beef type products or a vegetarian? Fuck it. Yes. I'd totally be friends with me. I rule. Hard. In fact, I rock the fat ass.

DO YOU RESORT TO SARCASM A LOT?

I'm actually very clever, so it's never resorting. That's like you're asking if I get so perplexed and lost in a battle of wits that I have to use sarcasm as a last ditch effort to save face. I use sarcasm because I'm an asshole, not because I need it. So go fuck yourself. I don't appreciate the way this question was worded. In fact, I refuse to answer it.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR OWN TONSILS?

I actually felt kinda left out when everybody in school was getting their tonsils taken out and I wasn't. Especially when I found out that there was free ice cream involved. Ice cream rocks the fat ass.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

I dunno. Probably. My chick would yell at me though. A lot. To the point where I wouldn't do it. So I guess the answer is no.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Cheerios. My fuckin' cholesterol is 124 or some shit. That means I'm a healthy son of a bitch. And as a kid I loved Fruity Pebbles. Fruity Pebbles rock the fat ass.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES BEFORE REMOVING THEM?

No siree bob. I prefer flip flops anyway. Not even sandals. Straight up plastic, made for the beach flip flops. I think by now you know what they do to the fat ass. Just in case, though, I'll tell you. They rock it.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

Not as physically strong as people generally expect. I'm working on it though. Emotionally I've always been strong for other people, but weak for myself. Still am a bit emotionally weak, though, but it's just some self-doubt issues I'm taking care of a little bit at a time.

WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

The fact that they are, indeed, people. Otherwise they're dogs probably. Or a tree. I guess I can just say that in general, if they aren't people, they're almost definitely some other kind of flora or fauna.

RED OR PINK?

I like to make things go from white to pink, and over time they end up being red. Think about it for a moment and hopefully you'll get it.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE PART ABOUT YOURSELF?

The longest hair in my left armpit. I can't seem to ever get it as straight as I want. It looks far too different from the rest of my pit hairs. Motherfucker.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST WHO’S STILL ALIVE?

I've actually been quite lucky in my life. I've never lost somebody close to me in such a manner. Although there is one person who I really miss, but I do have her, so it's not like something happened and I'm never going to see her again or somesuch. I miss her a lot.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST WHO’S PASSED ON?

Kinda in the same boat here. Nobody who I've been exceedingly close to has died as of the present. And hopefully not for a long time. Although if it can just be anybody in general, then Eddy Guerrero. I'll never stop missing him. I cried for days when he died.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

Goldfish and clementines. Package deal. They rock the fat ass, by the way.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

The sounds of the hot water heater in my basement. Soothing.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

I dunno. Somebody think of something funny and then laugh at the comedic response to this question in your own head. I'm too lazy to bother. I always did like Brick Red, though. Mostly because it rocked the fat ass.

FAVORITE SMELLS?

                Me. I love the way I smell.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE TODAY?

                My chick.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGED?

                My chick.

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

On TV, definitely football. Live, baseball followed by hockey, but I rarely go to a hockey game. But never curling. Definitely never curling. Oh and MMA does something to the fat ass. Can't remember what, though.

HAIR COLOR?

Dark and whatnot. Apparently with some natural redness. At least that's what I'm told.

EYE COLOR?

                Brn. Had to check my drivers license.

FAVORITE ETHNIC FOOD?

                Does Italian count. Italian counts. So Italian. Cuz it counts.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

Neither. Black shorts though. They double for underwear often these days, though.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT?

Navy blue. And also red, white & blue. Dog The Bounty Hunter rocks the fat ass.

SCARY MOVIE OR HAPPY ENDING?

Are we talking about getting jerked off by an average-looking, middle-aged Asian woman after a mediocre massage? Just curious.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

                Harold and Maude. Stupid people would not find it funny. But they're stupid.

FAVORITE HOLIDAY?

                Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr Day. Because I'm extremely racially sensitive.

HUGS OR KISSES?

I like a good hug. Especially when it turns into a cuddle. Cuddling rocks the fat ass. I also intend to soon be cuddling after rocking a certain someone's ass. 

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

                Probably the first responder on the EMS squad.

LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

                A sloth, I'd assume.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

Watchmen, It, I Hate Your Guts, Hitman, and probably one other book. Maybe not though. Who really can tell these days?

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?

                Edvard Munch's The Scream, I think. Could be wrong.

FAVORITE SOUND?

The squishy sound of something wet and pink.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

In a hospital. In a room next to a woman with the same name as my mother. I'm talking same first and last name. And my name is the same as that kid's name, too. I'm pretty sure I'm better than he is, though. Mostly because he sucks. Probably. I could be wrong.

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?

I don't watch TV unless there's a sporting event I'm very interested in. Otherwise, my television is pretty much a waste of space.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BAND?

Rubber. I actually thought of saying elastic, because a lot of people probably try to be clever and say rubber, but  fuck it. I prefer a rubber band over an elastic one. Blow me.

DO YOU PREFER A CAT OR DOG?

Alone in the world was a little catdog.

WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP?

                Talk to my woman.

WHAT’S THE LAST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU GO TO BED?

                Tell my woman I love her.

I quit the show.

The last 2 months of 2007 and the majority of the first 11 months of 2008 were the most horrific time in my life. 2008 has easily been the worst of my nearly 23 years here, and I'll be glad to see it gone tonight. And I hope the door hits it's ass on the way out, too.

I have high hopes for 2009 for a lot of reasons, and I'm determined to succeed in each and every one of my ventures. A number of things have motivated me, and I intend to keep those things all close, because every single one means a lot to me. So here's to a new year and a brand new, very great, beginning.

It's closing time for 2008.

When you make a mistake, deny making that mistake, then get fooled into admitting it, you've suddenly made a bigger mistake.

When you decide to set your head straight and want to start thinking rationally again, you begin to fix your mistakes, but it's still a long road.

When you then completely turn around and do the opposite of what was beginning to calm the storm, you create a rift that threatens to cause a tidal wave.

When you don't stop, the giant wave comes to fruition and falls on you. You, however, are not the only casualty.

And then the rain comes.

But until your rain dance ceases, the streets will only flood more and more until nobody has a home and there are even more catastrophic casualties.

Stop your dance, because you are destroying the city which you spent years building with your own hands.

Unless it happens soon, the city will be no more. Only one can be saved from underneath the ruins. That one is not you.

Good luck.

makes everything right
gives everyone a chance
overcomes all fears
will bring us together
will keep us together
is something i will fight for
is everything i have to give

TRY THE WINE!

SHE WAS VERY BADLY RAPED, YOU SEE?

VICTIM OF THE MODERN AGE; POOR, POOR GIRL!